Wednesday, May 16, 2018

It's Our Favorite Gander Corner: D-Listed "Hot Slut Of The Day!"

According to one of our preferred sources:

"The New York Times continued to do groundbreaking work and delivered brand new thoughts when they declared that being skinny and hot is in. Someone there just saw Call Me By Your Name, because they welcomed us to the age of the twink! If only The New York Times would’ve declared it the age of the twink in the 90s. It would’ve been my time. But now I’m less of a twink and more of a smashed Ho Ho lying in the gutter that’s been nibbled at by rats. 1

But if you’re thinking that the age of the twink is laughable bullshit, don’t. It is very real. Case in point: Hairless Mario. He’s just a few Master Cleanses away from going full twink.

The Twitter page @yourfavisbald2 is devoted to gifting the internet with bald versions of video game and cartoon characters, and their terrifying Mona Lisa is Hairless Mario. If you’ve ever wondered what it would look like if Mario was struck down with a serious case of alopecia that took his furry crescent moon brows, dog-bone-shaped sideburns and half cloud mustache, @yourfaceisbald2 has made your nightmares come true. In case you forgot (because your brain is temporarily paralyzed with fear over that above pic), here’s what Mario normally looks like:

Hairless Mario looks like Elmer Fudd if Elmer Fudd took a quick break from hunting wabbits to buy meth and colored contacts from the swap meet. Bitch also looks like Uncle Fester if Uncle Fester did meth, became a serial killer and creepily smiled at his young victims before skinning them and wearing their skin on his face (that would explain that baby butt complexion).

And do I really want to know if Hairless Mario is hairless everywhere? No, because I don’t think my loins can take Hairless Mario’s hairless cartoon balls." -

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